NEW YORK – I have a few particularly vivid memories of my childhood summers: the smell of the grill, the rattle of cicadas and the feeling of being bored out of my mind.

While I had a relatively regimented schedule and spent long stretches of every summer at camp, there were weeks when my parents, who both worked, had not filled my schedule with much of anything. And they did not give a hoot about whether I felt sufficiently engaged or amused.

That has been on my mind as my own sons make their way through the summer with a hotchpotch of camps, babysitters and grandparent time that is breathtakingly expensive yet feels insufficient in terms of actual childcare or stimulation.

I am hardly alone in feeling like it is my parental duty to stuff their days full of activities and learning opportunities.

A study cited in a 2018 New York Times article that lamented the relentlessness of modern parenting found that regardless of education, income or race, parents believed children who are bored should be enrolled in extra-curricular activities.

As Assistant Professor Erin Westgate of psychology at the University of Florida explains it to me, there is a kind of cultural stigma attached to boredom, particularly in the United States.

Only boring people get bored, the saying goes.

But the reality is that boredom is “normal, natural and healthy”, says Dr Westgate, whose research focuses on what boredom is, why people experience it and what happens when they do.

Though she cautions that there has been little empirical research exploring boredom in kids, she believes that in moderate doses, boredom can offer a valuable learning opportunity, spurring creativity and problem-solving and motivating children to seek out activities that feel meaningful to them.

“Guarding kids from ever feeling bored is misguided in the same way that guarding kids from ever feeling sad, frustrated or angry is misguided,” she says.

Here is what you and your children can learn from feelings of boredom.

Boredom is informative

Boredom is an emotion, says Dr Westgate, who likens it to an indicator light on a car’s dashboard. “Boredom is telling you that what you’re doing right now isn’t working.”

Usually, that means the task you are doing is too easy or too difficult, she says, or that it lacks meaning.

One way parents can help children, particularly younger ones, learn to manage boredom is to work with them on developing what Dr Westgate calls greater emotional granularity. For instance, you can help them to distinguish between feeling sad and bored.

“Name it to tame it,” a phrase coined by psychiatrist Dan Siegel, is a technique many child development experts use to help children identify their feelings.

Kids will often say “I’m bored” when they are lonely or want attention, says Dr Katie Hurley, who holds a doctorate in social work. So it can help to ask if they are looking for comfort or companionship, she adds.

Also, do what you can to normalise the feeling.

“We have a tendency to treat boredom as a sign of distress or a sort of call for help,” Dr Hurley, who is the author of The Happy Kid Handbook, says. “It is uncomfortable, but it’s not necessarily negative.”

Boredom can lead to fulfilment

Boredom offers children an opportunity to experiment with the kinds of pursuits that feel fulfilling and interesting to them, Dr Westgate says.

For example, if you let your kids loose in the backyard, they may feel bored initially, she says.

But they can learn to prevent that feeling, or resolve it, by finding activities that feel meaningful to them, whether that is counting bugs, playing with a ball or drawing with sidewalk chalk.

If parents do not allow for free, imaginative play, children may never discover their innate love of nature, sports or art, or even the pleasure they can find in simply relaxing or playing.

“Being able to identify and develop those sources of meaning is a really critical skill to have lifelong,” Dr Westgate says.

‘Boredom busters’ can break the spell

Parents sometimes fear boredom and the havoc it can wreak around the house, Dr Hurley says. But free time carves out room for discovery.

She recommends looking at your child’s weekly schedule and asking: “Is there something we can take away and just call it ‘quiet downtime’?”

But parents should not expect kids to instinctively know what might feel meaningful to them. Instead, parents should remind their children of things they are interested in or care about, Dr Westgate says.

“It’s the difference between leaving the child in a room with absolutely nothing to do,” she says, versus “bringing him or her into a room that you know has books and puzzles – things that would be meaningful to your kid – and that would be a good fit” for the child.

She also notes that research has shown that without positive outlets, people can be more inclined to engage in harmful behaviours.

Dr Hurley says kids aged five and under need a specific menu of “boredom busters” or questions such as: Do you want to play with Lego? Do you want to play with Play-Doh? Do you want to go outside?

Parents often feel pressure to get down on the floor and play with young children every time the kids are feeling bored, she says, but that can keep children from learning how capable they are of stepping into their imaginations.

With slightly older children, Dr Hurley says she might say something like, “Take a walk around the house and come up with three ideas, and get back to me”.

Once kids shift from a state of boredom to positive action, “it opens up creativity, problem-solving and all kinds of academic learning skills”.

Mobile phones and devices require little effort, Dr Westgate notes, so children and adults often turn to them as a way to soothe feelings of boredom.

“With kids, it makes complete sense that they ask for screens when they’re bored, but that doesn’t mean, obviously, that is what’s best for them in that situation,” she says. NYTIMES