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Q: I keep getting asked to contribute money to buy presents for colleagues. How do I decline?

A: A collective gift is a gesture that can let individual team members express the bond they feel with one another, says industrial psychologist Sherwin Ignatius Chia.

Dr Chia, who heads the human resource management programme at the S R Nathan School of Human Development in the Singapore University of Social Sciences, notes: “Being part of a cohesive team helps to fulfil an individual’s need to belong, which is a part of human nature.

“Members who belong in a team can experience higher satisfaction and adjustment which can help to reduce stress at work.”

Conversely, belonging to a cohesive team could increase peer pressure too.

“If this behaviour is highly expected by the team, then it may be difficult to reject such obligations, as this might result in being rejected by the team,” Dr Chia says.

Still, employees should consider chipping in, if the contribution is a reasonable amount that goes towards an inexpensive gift that is intended as just a token of appreciation.

“This can be seen as part of building relationships with the team,” Dr Chia adds, although he warns that workers need to tread carefully when it comes to exorbitant gifts meant only for influential team members, such as bosses involved in performance appraisals and recommending promotions.

“This can be a conflict of interest, and an abuse of power, especially if such gifts are expected or demanded. This makes it difficult to reject such obligations for fear of retaliation.”

He suggests workers report any unreasonable or exploitative demands for gift contributions to higher management or the human resources team.

If the organisational culture tolerates or encourages such gifting practices, particularly in return for a good job appraisal, a worker should consider moving on to another employer, he adds.

Individuals should also not feel obligated to chip in when consensus on the cost of the gift and expected contribution amount was not sought before proceeding, Dr Chia advises.

He suggests that a staff member who wants to decline due to financial issues should share the personal circumstances that make it difficult to contribute with close colleagues who are also involved.

“Alternatively, ask if you can contribute but at a smaller amount, if you are still willing to contribute,” Dr Chia says.

“Understanding team members should appreciate your honesty and be considerate towards your discomfort.”

Meanwhile, workers who want to decline payment in an effort to uphold more professional distance can consider minimising the risk of a backlash by offering other, non-financial, gestures.

However, Dr Chia notes: “If the team does engage in such activities, this suggests that the professional and social spaces overlap to a certain degree.”

Team members may be expected to participate socially, and not just professionally, as a result.

In that light, the preference to keep a professional distance may suggest a misfit between an individual’s personality and a more familial team culture, Dr Chia notes.

“Therefore, it might be appropriate to reconsider what fits for that person.”

Nonetheless, Dr Chia says it might be “premature and one-sided” for a person to determine that the team is not the right fit based just on the backlash from not contributing.

There might be other factors involved, such as underlying, unresolved, conflicts that have to be exposed before any decision is made.

“From the team’s perspective, if that member consistently refuses to participate in any team-building activities, it could be frustrating for the rest of the team members who are trying to build up the team spirit.”

On employers’ part, Dr Chia suggests a clear code of conduct on gifting among colleagues be put in place.

“While there are already clear policies for gifting by clients and suppliers in place, there are few clear policies in companies for such gifting among colleagues,” he notes.

The code of conduct could include guidance on limiting the cost of the gift, ensuring contributions are entirely voluntary, and that gifting should be done among peers or from bosses to subordinates to minimise the risk of conflicts of interest, he adds.

Companies could also set up a system for gifting.

“Some companies may have an internal gift store, where credits are given to employees where they can redeem a gift for another colleague or for managers to send a token of appreciation to their subordinates,” Dr Chia says.

“However, companies that are not able to afford such a system can do so with simple gestures of appreciation such as online appreciation boards, appreciation cards, or even collages capturing key moments of the team.”

Dr Chia adds: “These simple gestures can be more meaningful, as they can be more effortful, genuine and personal. Ultimately, it is the thought that counts and not the gift that costs.”

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