SINGAPORE - Throughout his 12-year marriage, David (not his real name) said he felt constantly belittled by his wife, who would shame him both privately and in front of others.

She also threatened to hurt herself and their young daughter on occasion, and forced him to stop hanging out with his friends such that he felt isolated, he told The Straits Times.

David said the emotional abuse, coupled with multiple instances of her cheating on him, left him numb to his emotions. The pair divorced several years ago.

The 47-year-old was among the three participants of an eight-week support group programme run by social service agency Lutheran Community Care Services (LCCS) for male victims of family violence.

The programme, which ran from November 2022 to January 2023, was meant to provide a safe space for men to discuss family violence, acknowledge each other’s experiences and widen their support networks.

Following the success of the first run, the agency plans to host a second round if there is interest.

Ms Kek Seow Ling, director of resource and strategy at LCCS, said there has been much awareness raised about family violence, in particular physical violence against women.

What she has seen among men, however, is that the abuse they face from their partners has more to do with social isolation and emotional abuse.

“We wanted a space for men to work through such issues, so that they can feel validated and acknowledged, and have people believe in their stories,” said Ms Kek.

Mr Josiah Yeo, a social worker with LCCS, said that while there are support schemes that target elderly, young or female victims of abuse, there has been a lack of concerted effort to engage male victims.

LCCS’ programme consisted of weekly 1½-hour sessions around themes such as identity, past hurt and advocacy.

David said he did not expect that he would be able to express himself and his emotions so freely.

“Usually when men have problems in their relationships, they keep quiet about it and maybe vent through alcohol, or stay out late,” he said.

“It’s very normal for guys with problems to think that nobody cares, or that they just need to ‘man up’.”

He added: “Sometimes you feel so trapped, and you’re just hoping that someone listens to you. And no one else knows what’s going on because it’s behind closed doors.”

Another participant in the programme, Mr Samad (not his real name), said that while he had sought other forms of support such as counselling, therapy and a support group for divorced men, this programme stood out because it was specifically for men who experienced family violence.

“Knowing that the other participants had similar issues and experiences, I find comfort in that, knowing that I’m not alone,” said the 38-year-old, who is divorced.

Mr Samad said there is still stigma around the topic of men who suffer from family violence, and that it is not taken seriously enough.

Mr Yeo said the three participants are keen to pitch in and facilitate future runs, as they want to help other men in similar situations.

Mr Samad said: “I hope more men will be able to come out and acknowledge that they are facing these issues that are usually not talked about.

“I take comfort in assisting and helping others, as I understand that pain and how hurtful the experiences can be.”

The LCCS team hopes to spread the word about the programme, such as through REALink!, its annual event.

To be held on May 20 at the ABM Building in Bukit Merah, the event aims to create conversations around social issues, including domestic violence. Those interested can register here.

Men who are interested in joining the support group can contact LCCS at connect@lccs.org.sg.

Another organisation with initiatives specifically for men affected by family violence is the Society Against Family Violence (SAFV).

In 2020, it launched a Men’s Helplink service to refer these men for counselling and therapy.

An SAFV spokesman said 43 men have made inquiries through the service. Among them, 26 identified as victims of spousal violence, and four as perpetrators.

Many still do not believe that a man can be a victim in a marital relationship, the spokesman said.

“Such a belief, which can be perpetuated even among some social service practitioners, can be unhelpful when encouraging men to seek help.”

Given that women experience more violence than men, education about seeking help is often slanted towards female victims, he noted.

While there is nothing inherently wrong about this, the spokesman said that male victims might therefore not seek help as readily.

He called for more public education on the experiences of male victims, encouragement for them to seek help and more professionals to be trained to help men.

“One could argue that the issue is not as pertinent, thus not drawing the attention of advocates and services. However, this should not discourage innovations and investments into the space,” he said.