SINGAPORE - For Mr Tay Yan Yong, 94, and his wife Madam Soh Gek Lan, 91, the secret to their 71-year marriage is simple – they give each other space.

“We never exchange angry words and will resume conversations only when we have calmed down and are no longer mad with each other,” Mr Tay said in Teochew.

When Madam Soh suffered a stroke seven years ago, Mr Tay became her primary caregiver.

“He took great care of her, tending to her every need,” their eldest daughter Tay Soi Hue, 70, told The Straits Times.

The nonagenarians renewed their vows after 71 years of matrimonial bliss on Feb 24.

They were joined by 164 other couples and the guest of honour, President Tharman Shanmugaratnam, and his spouse, Ms Jane Ittogi, at the Golden Jubilee Wedding Celebrations (GJWC) held at the Sands Expo and Convention Centre.

Jointly organised by the Families for Life Council, Registry of Marriages and Registry of Muslim Marriages, it is the first physical post-pandemic GJWC event for couples celebrating at least 50 years of marriage.

Ms Tay said her parents were matchmade by relatives. Mr Tay was 22 then and Madam Soh, 19. They got married only after a year of getting to know each other.

She said her father was the main breadwinner, working two jobs, while Madam Soh kept house. To supplement his meagre income as a boilermaker at Sembawang Shipyard, he built houses with two friends and a samsui woman during weekends.

The Tays brought up their six children in a kampung in Chong Pang where they lived for about 40 years before moving to their current flat in Ang Mo Kio in 1992.

Six children, 13 grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren later, the couple remain as loving as when they first got married, said their daughter.

For retired court interpreter Sivanandan Nadarajoo, 75, it was “beyond a reasonable doubt” that Madam Theresa Lauzar, 74, was the woman for him.

Mr Sivanandan was 19 when the 18-year-old first caught his eye at his cousin’s tailor shop. She was there to make a sari and his cousin made the introductions.

But he waited for about six years to tie the knot.

“Her father was not pleased I was a Hindu. It was after he realised I was not going to convert for the sake of converting that he finally relented,” said Mr Sivanandan.

Madam Lauzar’s family is Roman Catholic.

Mr Sivanandan worked for over 50 years as an interpreter in Singapore’s judiciary system to provide for his family.

“When it came to raising the children, Theresa had free rein as I was at work most of the time,” he said.

Madam Lauzar added: “So when problems arose, especially when it came to the children, we tended to give and take.”

Like Mr Tay and Madam Soh, Mr Sivanandan and Madam Lauzar never go to bed angry and speak to each other only after they have calmed down following an argument.

“No matter how difficult the marriage is, never ask for or threaten to divorce. Never do that to your children, as they would be the ones to suffer. There were times when we would argue, but then we would sit and talk calmly after,” Madam Lauzar said.

They have been married for 50 years.

Unlike the Tays and the Sivanandans, it was love at first sight for the Vanderstraatens.

“She was with her classmates on the beach at Pulau Blakang Mati (the old name of Sentosa) and I was in a rowboat. One of my friends told me that one of the girls was staring at me,” Mr William Dominic Vanderstraaten, 77, told The Straits Times.

“While her friends were in swimwear, she was in jeans, and that was how she caught my attention. When we got to the beach, I asked: ‘Waiting for someone?’ She replied: ‘Waiting for you.’”

That was a glimpse of how feisty the young Ms Maria Anthony, now 73, could be.

Mr Vanderstraaten was intrigued, and the day ended with the two exchanging addresses.

“I told Bill that my father was strict but it did not deter him,” Ms Anthony said.

“I was ready for this (relationship) and was not going to do it halfway. We wrote to each other, and after two years, I asked for her hand in marriage,” Mr Vanderstraaten said.

Ms Anthony recalled: “It was my father who asked me if I was sure as Bill was a seafarer, someone with a woman at every port. He also advised me not to ask Bill to stop sailing as that was something he had to decide for himself, otherwise he would resent me.”

Married for 53 years, the Vanderstraatens have three daughters and remain best friends, often teasing each other.

President Tharman highlighted the story of the Vanderstraatens in a Facebook post about the event on Feb 24.

Minister for Social and Family Development Masagos Zulkifli said for marriages to be strong, there is a need for couples to regularly check in with each other and be intentional about having a healthy relationship.

Speaking at GJWC, Mr Masagos, who is also Second Minister for Health and Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs, added: “We want to continue to celebrate and affirm marriages. Therefore, I’m pleased to share that we will be celebrating long-lasting marriages not just at the national level but also within the community.”

To do that, a new relationship self-assessment tool, called Our Marriage Journey Quiz, and a discussion guide were launched at the event to help married couples gain insights into the dynamics of their relationships.

The quiz is accessible at http://go.gov.sg/omjq, and the discussion guide at http://go.gov.sg/omjqguide