Around this time of year, I used to feel embarrassed about my lack of a proposal story. It is my wedding anniversary this week, which tends to prompt questions like, “So how did you propose?”, a question to which the honest answer is “Well, we decided to buy a computer”. At the time, this was a huge-shared outlay relative to our means. Having made such a big financial commitment, we decided that we were in it for the long haul and should get married.

Five prime ministers, three jobs and a mortgage later, I think this was the right call, but it doesn’t stand up to engagement rings hidden in cakes, at the end of scavenger hunts or in glasses of champagne. Still, further questioning reveals that most of these stories aren’t really proposal stories either: Many of the couples in question also had a serious back-and-forth about a shared purchase, career milestone or looming change in British immigration policy. They decided to get married, and one of them constructed an elaborate proposal after the fact.