Once again, my vanity had got the better of me. A pair of “slim fit” beige corduroys ordered from Target, it transpired, could not be fastened without the help of a mechanical winch. 

The bigger surprise, however, came when I attempted to return the trousers and was promptly issued a refund along with the following message: “Feel free to keep it, recycle or donate it! If the item was damaged, please dispose of it safely. Thanks for your help!”