They say that the older you get, the harder it is to make new friends and close ones at that.

But 78-year-old Victor Lee has proven that this is just a myth. He found a buddy in Mr Arthur Leong in June 2023, and the two have since become inseparable.

Mr Lee, who has resided at NTUC Health Nursing Home (Tampines) since December 2022, first met the 22-year-old during a trishaw ride outing organised by the home. Mr Leong, a chemistry and life sciences student at the National University of Singapore, was assigned to show Mr Lee around for the day. He volunteers at the nursing home at least three times a week.

It was such a pleasant and memorable first meeting that Mr Lee rattles off the date of the excursion easily: June 27, 2023.

Their age gap, spanning more than 50 years, has not resulted in communication or generational barriers. Instead, the two have found common interests. 

For instance, during a visit to the National Museum of Singapore, some exhibits triggered Mr Lee’s memories of his school days. The English-educated Mr Lee shared with Mr Leong how he struggled with learning Mandarin in school, something that the latter, who was born in Indonesia, could relate to.

Mr Lee, who has 10 grandchildren aged 11 to 19, describes his young friend as “a very nice person who is interesting, humble and obliging”, and reaches out to hold his hand often during this hour-long interview. He enjoys chatting with young people as he finds them open-minded.

“Making friends with them keeps my mind healthy and gives me more knowledge about how they live these days,” he explains. 

His daughter Ms Wendy Lee agrees. The 51-year-old, who also volunteers at the nursing home, has seen a positive change in her father. 

“Having friends is important to anyone. No man is an island. I think it is good for him to connect with young people to receive positive energy and encouragement to learn new things and widen his social circle. This helps improve his overall mental and emotional well-being,” Ms Lee shares.

Mr Leong, on the other hand, is drawn to the older man’s enthusiasm about everything. 

“He’s always cheerful, smiling and super excited about even the smallest things, even if it’s just about my trip to Malaysia. He’s someone I can talk to for a very long time. Sometimes, we chat for an hour or longer as he’s very open-minded. We just click!”

Mr Lee, who retired more than 10 years ago after working for a company that supplies ships with essential goods, agrees: “We have got along very well since the day we met.”

Sharing stories and skills

Mr Lee’s advice to fellow seniors who want to make friends with young people: Connect with others regardless of their age through mutual respect and appreciation.

Mr Lee always reminds Mr Leong to stay safe on the road by driving carefully. He has also taught his younger friend about having the right values in relationships and doting more on his grandmother.

Besides sharing advice, they share stories. Mr Lee, who used to live in a kampung and reared chickens and ducks, enjoys telling Mr Leong about animals and fish. 

Mr Leong recalls: “When we visited the S.E.A. Aquarium in Resorts World Sentosa, we would always be at the end of the group because Victor would tell me about every fish that we saw!”

On the other hand, Mr Leong has taught Mr Lee new skills including baking pineapple tarts during the recent Chinese New Year season and making plant decorations like Kokedama, a Japanese technique of potting plants in a ball of moss.

Mr Leong, who lives with his grandmother, regretted not spending more time with his grandfather who passed away last year. 

“I now treat Victor the way I would have wanted to treat my grandfather. I try to be patient and understanding, and be myself when talking to him about anything.”

This is also his advice for younger people who wish to spend more time with the elderly and nurture meaningful friendships with them.

Mr Leong, who can speak Mandarin and Bahasa Indonesia and who plans to learn Vietnamese and Hokkien, has encouraged his friends to join him in his volunteer work at NTUC Health Nursing Home (Tampines).

Says Mr Leong: “I enjoy every moment with the residents. Even a few minutes of chatting with them or playing games with those with dementia let me make connections with them and provide companionship and support to them. These are my most memorable moments.”

Mr Lee’s daughter appreciates Mr Leong’s efforts and friendship. She says that as her father has always been sociable, he finds it rewarding and heartwarming to have “a good, open and genuine conversation” with the younger man and always looks forward to meeting him.

Quips Mr Lee: “Arthur always makes me happy.”

As for Mr Leong, his advice for young people who want to befriend the elderly is to see them as family and friends.

“This way, it is easier to communicate with them. Many seniors are also very independent and are willing to learn new things and try new experiences. It is also healthy for seniors to socialise more in their golden years in order to stay active and engaged,” he says.